The Area is Dark
by Aust Nova
Summary: Aust is Starting out as a character in his quest. With the help of DM he is sent to the Third Dimension.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note:

Dear Reader. Thank you for reading one of my works. Sadly, I have to inform you that this story is covered with mediocrity. I haven't even bothered editing the last chapter as I have no more heart for the story. So please do not waste your time with this piece of rubbish.

Yours Sincerely

Aust Nova

The area is dark. I'm floating. I see nothing but darkness. I can hear nothing,  
>feel nothing, smell nothing. It is so lonely. How did I get here? Why am I<br>here? When will this loneliness stop?

"Hello, I'm DM and I have created you." Said a sudden bright light that  
>flickered on and off as it was speaking.<p>

Trying to communicate, I am suddenly hit with the knowledge of speech. It comes to me  
>so suddenly that I inhale quickly trying to process all of that knowledge.<br>"I can talk?"

"Yes of course. I gave you the power of speech. Soon I will give you many more  
>powers." I realize that I am not exactly hearing "DM's"<br>words. I but understand him. As though he is directly sending messages to my  
>brain.<p>

"For what reason?" I say. "aaaaaaahhhhhhh" I scream. I am suddenly  
>pummeled with invisible fists to my brain. Pictures, sounds, smells, data all<br>flowing into my brain. It feels like forever. Forever... Forever…Forever… when  
>will it stop? I am then welcomed by the subsiding pain. Welcomed by the feeling<br>of nothingness again. My brain hums, then vibrates, then stops. I think,  
>"what happened to me. That was such an awful feeling."<p>

"I gave you all the knowledge you will need, for the world I am sending you in. As for  
>your last question, you are here to be part of my world. The meaning of life is<br>for you to figure out. Now I will ask some questions related to what you want  
>to be in this world. There are many races to choose from. You have 6 to choose<br>from. You may be a Human, Elf, Gnome, Half-Elf, Half-orc, Halfling." DM  
>then explained each one with a monotone voice ( the voice was suspiciously<br>close to Proffesser Snape's , the Potions master of Hogwarts.)

Humans:  
>The all around, diverse, short-lived superstars of the universe. As a human it<br>is acceptable to be anything you want. There is no specific stereotype for a  
>human. Some are hot. Others, not so much.<p>

Elves:  
>The dexterous nature loving version of humans. They spend about a hundred<br>years maturing and don't expect to be dying soon. This long lived race is the  
>deer version of the horse like humans. More of a fragile, cunning, huge a tree<br>kind of people. Because it is against the law of the universe, female elves are  
>always as sexy as heck. It is freak'en impossible to have a ugly elf chick.<br>Note: elves do not usually celebrate Christmas.

Half-Elfs:  
>Half elf, Half human. What more do you want. Made form a very inappropriate<br>christmas special, these guys have the grace of an elf and the diversity and  
>energy of a human. They are also hot as the sun. It is unlikely you will find a<br>un-hot chick, since basically every main character in this story is made just so  
>you can fantasize about them in your mind. How big is your imagination. If you<br>need help, go to google images and type in all of these races. (Sadly I cannot  
>post pictures here)<p>

Gnomes:  
>This race is not your average garden sentry. More bulkier then Halflings and<br>more famillior to crafts and wizardry then most races. They love animals, gems  
>and jokes and have a great sense of humor. Very curious ...<p>

"Stop! I can't take your dull voice anymore! (inhale, exhale) I'll, I'll take  
>Half-Elf. I want to be different and interesting."<p>

"Very well then. What occupation or class would you like?"

DM explained the classes in a commercial spokesperson kind of voice.

"Barbarian.  
>You hack and slash and can get angry! No one wants to get you mad. Your motto<br>is "Break things first, ask questions later".

Bard.  
>Do you feel like you can burst out and sing? Are you poetic and feel art is<br>more important then fighting? Well the bard is right for you. As you strum on  
>your lute, you weave magic in your song. This class is most effective in groups,<br>as you help your team mates more than taking down dragons.

Cleric:  
>These religious people take their God very seriously. In order to perform their<br>magic they receive power from their god by praying. Clerics can fight and use  
>magic but they are more tuned into towards magic. Clerics are wonderful<br>healers and can even raise the dead.

Druid:  
>This class is the same as the cleric except they pray to nature (or a nature<br>god). This class is the swiss poket knife of the outdoors. Tree hugers unite!

Paladin:  
>This class is a sterotypical Prince Charming kind of knight. All for justice,<br>honer, law. This class can use Cleric like spells as it improves. "Fight  
>for good or die' nuff said.<p>

Fighter:  
>As it's name implies, all this class is good for is fighting. It can do ANYTHING<br>related to fighting.

Ranger:  
>Super cool, nimble, arrow at your head insanity. It is the twin brother of the paladin, but it has less restrictions than the paladin. They mostly uses bow and arrow<br>but they can also fight two handed. Better watch your back because a ranger is right  
>behind you.<p>

Soccerer:  
>This rip off of a wizard is the lucky, born with extra ordinary power, son of a butt quake. They get their<br>power from their heritage not from study. They have the best charisma and are  
>the face of the group. Laidies man extaordinare, your power is with-in.<p>

Wizard:  
>The spell man of ultimate intelect. Make a spell BOOM! rabbit out of a hat.<br>BOOM! rabbit is now dead. Take a second, because your studying for a spell.  
>Don't ask them to spell. Go to a Spelling Bee for that. Do anything you want<br>because the rabbi- I mean the world is in your hands.

"I want to be a Druid and hug little fury animals. Yea!"

"Now that you have chosen your class (and I do not care about your other specifics)  
>you will be sent to your first adventure. You name shall be Aust Nova. Prepare to be transmitted to the<br>third dimension. Have a nice day"

Vrrrrrrooooooommmm. A vacuum like noise filled the area.

"AAAAAAAAAAA. Must eat meat. AAGGaga Ga. Streach my brain, be kind to my ear.  
>Agagagagagagagaagag Lady gaga. Pain so much pain. Can't think curvy, strait.<br>Meat, Meat, Meat, MEAT. Paper Mario and chickens dancing in my  
>kitchenAAAAAAAAAAAA."<p>

Aust, right now, is hallucinating and having a hard time to get his thoughts strait.  
>You see, while you are being transmitted to a different dimension, you become<br>very delusional and feel lots of pain. The reason being is that you have to be  
>shrunk or stretched depending on what dimension you are traveling to. For<br>example, if you have a 2 dimensional person then you have height and width but  
>no length. On the side view of the person, you see nothing. It is extremely<br>hard to go from no depth to some depth/length. It is like taking a 1981 Mario  
>and turning it to a 2010 Mario. You have the same concept. But, you have to basically<br>rebuild the whole thing.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAA"  
>BOOM! Face up lying down, Aust was looking very pale and perplexed.<p>

Aust blinked his eyes and saw the pure blueness of the sky. The large puffy clouds  
>offered shade from the sun but he still squinted from the light.<p>

"I wonder if I can find some carrots here."

Aust then had a sudden craving for carrots. He then waved his arms up and down, up and  
>down, up and down against the smooth, cool grass.<p>

"This feels good."He then waved his legs opened, closed, opened, closed. This time he didn't feel  
>grass with his legs but rough material that his newly programmed brain called<br>"leather." He continued doing this for a couple minutes constantly  
>thinking of carrots. Then something very shocking happened that made Aust pause<br>in shock (because it was so shocking). A big head slowly came into Aust's view.  
>It had a big chin, a big nose and one set of teeth sticking out of its mouth (even though its mouth was closed). It had black hair that was loose and ear height.<br>One scar was running down his left cheek. The thing, which Aust realized was some orc, spoke. "Who are you…. and what  
>are you doing making grass angles on the ground?"<p>

Still shocked Aust could only stutter "I… I'm… I…. I'm c… I'm carrots?"


	2. Chapter 2

Both Aust and the Orc were stareing at each other for two minutes. Then the orc broke the ice and said "what kind of carrots do you like?"

"I don't know" said Aust "but I know that I like the orange kind"

Nodding his head and taking a seat orc replied "those are always the best kinds of carrots. Never met a orange carrot I did not like. So, what are you doing here?"

"Oh, nothing much. Guess I'm making grass angels. My occupation is a druid. Does that mean anything to you?"

One of the eyes of the orc opened slightly in surprise. "Really, you a druid. Can you make a tree dance?"

"I don't know. Is that what druids usually do?"

"No, but I did see a "man" made out of a tree dance for to me."

"Oh, well that's completely different. Trees can't dance. They don't have legs. You can't dance without any legs."….thinking…. "That's why the tree man was able to dance."

"Oh"

There was a long pause as the orc was looking for a topic to talk about. One of the many things he is bad at.

Two minutes later "cough" "cough" "You two have the most dimwitted conversations EVER."

Aust then turned around and was shocked at what he saw. Sitting right behind him was a gnome with a blue coat and green pants. What surprised him the most was that there was another living organism on this planet.

"What! You never seen a gnome before"

After the gnome said that, a rock fell from the sky and landed in front of him. The rock had a note tied to it. After a long pause of staring at the rock, the gnome untied the note and read it.

Any more of those stupid puns and it will be your face next time.

Sincerely, DM

Putting the paper in his pocket the gnome spoke again, this time in a more shaky voice. "My apologies Mr. Half Elf. We have not properly introduced ourselves. My name is Yoslov Namfoodle. This big fellow over here is Jebbedo. He is a half-orc from the most southern part of Materram (Materram being the continent they are currently on)."

"My name is Aust Nova. I am a druid. I don' t know where I came from though. Do you know what there is to do in Materram?"

"Well, I don't know what you were doing at the time. But we would be happy to have the company of a druid on our travels. Would you like to come with us?"

"Sure." Aust then slowly stood up (balancing himself) and followed Yoslov and Jebbedo to there horses.

After many conversations with Jebbedo and Yoslov, Aust began to better understand the world around him. He also was slowly forgetting his interactions with DM and started to believe that he always lived in Materram. When it turned dark, Yoslov stopped his horse (which was a magically dwarfed horse to fit to his size).

"According to my map the nearest inn is 10 miles away. We could try to reach there and sleep in nice soft beds and eat hot meaty soup (speaking slowly and fantasizing about the comfort the inn could bring) or we could sleep here on the hard ground."

Jebbedo was half asleep on his horse and Aust could barley take another step. They then pulled out there sleeping gear and slept under the stars.

Aust of course slept on the ground without any blankets or bedrolls.

In the break of dawn the three adventures packed up their things and left for the inn to get some breakfast. In about half a mile they came upon said inn.

"Your map must be a bit off Yoslov" said Aust

"Stupid, *$%^#, map! I knew I shouldn't have not bought the cheaper version. Oh, #$^^. A few more steps ahead and I could have slept in a nice soft bed with a chicken leg. What did I do to deserve this bad luck. (Yoslov hide his head in his hands in despair)"

Jebbedo leaded toward Aust and whispered to his ear. "Yoslov really likes his beauty sleep and can get very dramatic at times. I also think that it's his special time of the month."

The troop entered the Mossy Loo Inn and rang the bell for service. A plump woman (around her late 40's) came in. She had an white apron with two bread slice people embroidered on to it. One bread slice man had peanut butter covered on himself and the other had jelly. There was then writing above the people that said "We're meant for each other."

"Hello," the woman smiled, " what can the services of the Mossy loo do for you."

"Um, yes," replied Yoslov "we would like breakfast and food suppLies for a three day journey."

"Very well sir. You my come into the dinning room. I will come in a mo' to get your orders."

The dinning room was a very woody place. I mean. The whole room looked like it was grown from the tree. The table had legs with knotted wood, slightly curvy. The table was also not perfectly flat but dipped and bumped in places. Nothing in that room was not made of authentic life like wood. It made some of the furniture a bit impractical, but it had a tree hugging sense to it. Aust's eyes were glazed over in happiness. The trio then looked at there menus and told their waitress their choices.

"I would like the Spam, Spam, eggs, toast and Spam." Said Jebbedo.

"Oooo, good choice sir. And you, my small friend?"

"I will take the oatmeal with honey, mam"

"And you sir?"

"Oh, I'll take the blue berry waffle."

"Thank you for dinning at the Mossy Loo. Here is you bill."

Yoslov paid two silver pieces and Aust found a rather large sack in his pocket filled with gold coins. So the waiter had to give back nine silver coins in change. (a bronze piece is about $1 dollar in today's standards. A silver piece is $10 and a gold piece is $100)

After paying the bill, (diners and Inns these days are afraid of people walking off without the bill.) Yoslov sprang up on top of his chair, flexed what little muscle he had and said "O, K guys. I think it is time we take a look at the quest board."

"The quest board?"

"Yea! The quest board!" said Jebbedo excitedly.

"the quest board, my dear Aust is how we adventurers get employed. It is the call, and we are the answer. No reward is too big for YOSLOV!" again pretending to flex muscles.

Having a good idea on how the quest board works, Aust followed his friends to the main entrance. On the left wall (if you were walking out of the building) there was a cork board with four sheets of paper nailed to it. The following read

Missing monkey named Shoes

Location of client: The Happy Meadow

Reward: Two Hipps and one Hooray!

Other info: Might have been stolen by an orange fox who tends to stalk people.

My Cabbages are being eaten by rabbits

Location of client: Mr. Bradley's cabbage farm.

Reward: 1 gp ( gp= gold piece. sp= silver piece. cp= cabbage patch or copper piece.)

Other info: none

Missing child

Location: Blacksmith shop in the town of Zin

Reward: 5 gp

Other info: If reward need be higher, money is not an issue.

Town brat missing

Location: Zin

Reward: personally tanning his behind

Other info: none

"I think this one will do." Said Yoslov as he took the tack off and back on the board and the paper away.

"there sure is a lot of people missing Yoslov."

"yea, whatever. We'll save them once I sort out Mr. Bradley's rabbit problem." The Trio went back to the woody dining table and patently waited for there food. When the waitress came towards them with a huge plate holding three smaller plates of food, they were watering in the mouth. (in the mouth). Everyone was the served and Yoslov immediately went to business.

"I would like to take on this quest please" handing the paper to the waitress

"Do you have your adventure's card, hun?"

"Oh, yes." Yoslov then took his wallet out and gave the woman a rectangular piece of bronze with writing and numbers on it.

"Thank you." said the waitress while reading the card. She then took out a stamp and stamped the bottom of the quest paper. The seal of the stamp was a box.

"Um, you sure this is a blue berry waffle, because I don't see any blue berries in it."

"Oh don't be silly. The blueness of the waffle comes from crushed blue berries and our special mix of milk. Don't worry there will be a whole lot of flavor in it."

Smiling at the news, Aust thought for a moment and said "You know Percy Jackson loves to eat his mom's blue waffle every morning."

"That's nice, hun" said the waitress not really paying attention while walking back to the kitchen.

"So, Yoslov. How are we going to rid Mr. Bradley's field of Rabbits?

"Carrots?" exclaimed Aust now realizing that he should have ordered something with carrots.

Author's note: I do not own Dora the Explorer, Percy Jackson and the Olympians or Monty Phython. Sorry for the really bad joke. (There are more were those came from.)


	3. Chapter 3

"Carrots! Rabbits love carrots. We could use it as bait and be done with the furry things." Said Yoslov "I am going back to the inn to get directions on the town square. I don't trust this map as far as I can throw it."

Just then a bunch of flies hit Yoslov in the face.

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

"Dudes, this is so anti climatic. I thought we would get to a hustling, bustling town full of people and animals all doing important stuff." Said a disappointed Aust looking at the deserted town.

"It is a slow day for a Friday. Let's go to the grocer." said Yoslov

The troop then walked to the big brick building next to the hardware store

"CLOSED! This is an outrage. How can a town operate without a grocer? This is a flipping great piece of luck." Yoslov then temper tantrumed many other choice words for this unfortunate event."

"And I thought I would be able to finally taste carrots." Said Aust

The whole troop was disappointed and expressed it in different ways. Yoslov was making a racket on how he know he should have forgave the beggar who spilled dirty water all over his Sunday best, instead of flipping out, because karma is obviously up to this. Aust was almost in tears because his high hopes were split apart on the sharp edges of the closed sign. Jebbedo was staring blankly at the sign making sure it actually said "closed" and not another "c" word like "closet" which had a one letter difference.

"This bull-fudge is going straight to the mayor" said a furious Yoslov stomping towards the town hall.

"Wait, Yoslov, maybe they close on Fridays to eat out. Or maybe it is the town's religion to take a break on Fridays. At least cool your head off!" pleaded Aust

It was no use. When Yoslov made a decision, it usually took more than a few pleas to stop him. It sometimes took Jebbedo tackling him to the ground to knock him to his senses.

Walking up the stairs of the town hall Aust was full of dread. Yoslov was full of unexplained anger and Jebbedo was lost because his head was full of T.V snow.

Jebbedo slammed the office door open to the surprise of a sleeping man whose heart skipped a beat.

"Why is the Grocer freaking closed!" yelled Yoslov obviously fed up with the whole world not going his way."

"Wh-What. The grocer you say."

"I-said-the-Grocer" said Yoslov calming down now that Aust was rubbing his back (who is surprisingly good at backrubs)

"Oh, the Grocer. Well you see. Nobody is in this town except me. They all deserted cause of all the kidnappings. See"

"Kidnappings?" the trio said in unison

Yes, people have been gone missing. Sometimes in their beds and none can find the culprit. There have been kidnappings all across the east side of the kingdom. That is why the remaining villagers decided to move to the west. That is why I am here to help find these kidnappers and bring justice to them like a judges mallet." The person then took a carpenter hammer out from under his desk and smashed it on the table

"And you are going to bring justice to the kidnappers in your sleep and with a dinky carpenter hammer." Said Aust

"Hey, these things take careful planning and consideration. I am at the brainstorming stage of this "delicate operation."

"Who in there right tunic would employ you?"

"The KBI. The Kingdom Burrow of investigation."

"you're a KBI agent. You're the top of your class. How can you sleep on the job when lives are at stake?"

"I told you already, I am at the early stages of planning and need to refresh before I take the big crossbows out (Ha! guns weren't invented). Now I think you overstayed your welcome and would suggest you leave before the police take a friendly walk with you to the penal." The KBI agent said in a calm voice but his face said otherwise.

"You know how many gold a year I pay to keep you in a nice house sleeping with a carpenter hammer under your pillow?" viciously said Yoslov, about to punch first and confess to the court judge later. Luckily Jebbedo was close by to restrain him.

"Thank you for all the effort and time you put in to protect us citizens Mr. KBI agent. Yoslov, Jebbedo, I think it is time for us to go."

After Aust, Jebbedo and Yoslov were back at the town hall entrance; Yoslov calmed down, smiled and said, "You know what. Screw the rabbits. I think it is time we embark on a 1st class quest."

'Gasp' "A first class quest?" gasped Jebbedo

"Yes my comrad-I mean friend. We are going to find this kidnapper and take our huge reward before you can read "closed"."

Aust smiled and looked at Jebbedo. Jebeddo smiled and looked at Yoslov. Yoslov smiled and looked at a Playgnome advertisement and then back at Aust smiling bigger.

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

"Okay. So because I am a druid I can do spells. Right?"

"True but your spells are different then mine. You pray and do rituals to your god and ask for power. You then harness that raw power and using math, science and a couple of diagrams can create a spell. I use the power of the universe as my raw material and with math, science and a few power words can also create a spell. The more time you spend at this the better you get at it, and the more efficient you get with your given power. That is when you can use more powerful spells."

"I get my power from my huge masculine muscles." Said Jebbedo flexing his muscles in front of Yoslov's face. Yoslov said a few deep, ancient words and Naruto hand gestures. Then pointed to Jebbedo's muscle and produced a cold ray of frost that hit Jebbedo like a bee sting.

"Ow, Yoslov you didn't have to do that you know" grumbled Jebbedo while massaging his arm.

"Hey, Yoslov. I didn't know you were a wizard." Said a surprised Aust

"Where have you been? A different dimension?"

Just then, as the adventures were walking in a single file Jebbedo pushed aside a tree branch and let go. When the branch tried to assume its normal position, its destination was blocked by a unsuspecting small gnome. The branch thought to itself "No gnome is getting in my way for a cotton picking minute (in a southern accent of course)" and hit Yoslov square in the face. Yoslov then did an unintentional back flip and fell on his face. (HIS FACE).

"I hate puns!"

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

So soon with the power of Corellon, (Aust's Deity) Aust was able to make roots from underground to entangle foes, cure minor injuries, empower his club to be as hard as steel and many more unexplained spells.

(When you are planning on casting a spell, you usually prepare the spell beforehand. It actually takes a couple minutes to perform and conduct a spell. (precious minutes to spare if you are in a battle that could be over in seconds.) That is why when magic users are planning to cast a spell in battle they prepare all of the lengthy rituals of the spell beforehand. That way, all they have to do is make a few Naruto hand gestures and creepy words to activate the spell and "BAM" rabbit out of a hat.)

"So, Yoslov. Where are we going?" said Jebbedo after the 15th mile of their journey.

"Well, Jebbedo. We know that the enemies are located somewhere east of us because all of the kidnappings happened there. So using my superior intellect I deduced that our kidnappers are in the great mounds." Said Yoslov pointing to the map land mark.

"Dude there is a whole area on this map, to the east of us that is not explored yet. Why would it be there specifically?"

"Whoever has superior intellect, raise your hand?" said Yoslov raising his hand.

No one else raised there hand.

"That proves my point.

"That proves my point. Now, let's gust keep goo." Yoslov was then interrupted by Aust who put his hand over Yoslov's mouth and pulled him to the closest bush.

"Ssssh. There is a camp over there. I am going to check it out. Stay here and don't make a noise."

Yoslov look behind him to see Jebbedo also hiding in the bush putting his finger to his mouth and lightly "Sssshing."

As Aust was sneaking towards the camp of unknown creatures he saw two goblins sleeping next to a fire. Next to the camp was a small deer skin tent. Aust walked back to the bush.

"Guys. It is a small goblin camp. Two goblins are sleeping by the fire and there is a small tent next to them."

"Great, we'll catch them by surprise. Easy as a piece of cake."

"Jebbedo Smash!" said Jebbedo quietly.

"Good lets go."

Aust cast Shillelagh on his club. The trio inched towards the camp and saw the goblins still sleeping.

Yoslov looked at the group and counted down from five. At one the trio smashed there weapons down on the goblins. Yoslov with his dagger, Jebbedo with his axe and Aust with his Shillelagh. The goblins did not stand a chance. Yoslov then walked into the tent and immediately pulled back.

"There is three more inside the tent." Yoslov whispered.

Silent as a mouse, the three entered the tent. Yoslov immediately slit his goblin's throat. As Aust went up to his goblin he saw that it was pretty tall for a goblin. Also why was this one tied down and gagged. On closer inspection in the dark tent he saw that it was not a goblin but a female half-elf. Aust quickly stopped Jebbedo who was about to make the finishing blow to his goblin. Also on closer inspection they saw that it was a female gnome also bound and gagged.

"What are we going to do Yoslov?" said Jebbedo.

"Well…" Yoslov was not thinking of inappropriate acts or taking advantage of certain someone's. "Jebbedo why don't you cook some goblin meat for us" said Yoslov smiling and winking at Aust.

"How do you like your meat?"

"medium well" Yoslov was then directing his eyes towards the bound females.

Aust knew what Yoslov meant and quickly said "Jebbedo please come and help me untie these captives. I will do the cooking tonight."

Yoslov's smile turned into a frown as his idea did not appeal to his friend.

"Jebbedo and Aust woke up both captives and unbound them."

"Thank you! I never thought someone would come to save us." said the half elf woman hugging Aust.

Aust looked at Yoslov smiling and raising his eyebrows multiple times. In eye brow language it said "Now, this is how you do it." Yoslov was also fluent in eye brow language and gritted his teeth in jealousy.

"It is so good to stretch when your pleasantly plump" said the female gnome stretching.

"Do you know where the goblins were going to take you?" said Aust to the half-elf woman

"Let's talk after dinner. I am starving." Said the half-elf walking towards the crate in the tent. "Well we have lots of potatoes but I guess the goblins ate all of the carrots yesterday."

"Carrots?" said Aust


	4. Chapter 4

After a delicious meal of potatoes and roasted goblin cooked by Aust, the trio acquaints themselves to their two new friends. Rellena, the female half-elf bard and Debra Dumbledore, the female Gnome rouge. It seems while traveling to the town of Ore they were kidnapped by Goblins on their sleep. They also decide to help the trio in their efforts to destroy the Headquarters of these kidnappers. It seems that while in the goblins camp, Rellena overheard the goblins speaking about heading towards some large mounds. Aust one. Yoslov one.

"I have something to say." said Jebbedo

Everyone gave Jebbedo there full attention because Jebbedo rarely has something to say and were all seeing if this announcement would be intelligent.

"I have decided to change my name. No longer shall I be known as the silly Jebbedo name. But now be known as Jamaul.'

Everyone was surprised on how trivial this decision was.

"Why would you change your named J-J-Jamaul" said Yoslov

"Because Jebbedo was a stupid name that only a stupid orc of a Father would make. (Jamaul actually made the name himself when he was 15. But he won't let anyone know that.) Jamaul sounds better and it has the word maul in it.

There was a pause in the group on consideration of the name. After a minute, Yoslov started to clap, "good job Jamaul. Your new name really fits you." The rest of the group also started their polite claps and for once in a long while Jamaul felt smart.

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

"I never knew that goblin tasted so good". Said Jamaul the next day eating Goblin for breakfast.

"Well you know Jamaul", said Aust, "I was the assistant cook of our Druid Circle. Brother Stewart really knew how to cook a chicken pot pie. I actually wouldn't mind visiting my Circle again. (Aust forgot everything about his encounter with DM and replaced it with false memories based on the real world. Though there is a real Brother Stewart and he knows Aust. It is all the doings of DM who tries to fit Aust in his world like a puzzle piece. )

The troop packed their bags (and the useful goblin gear) and started heading for the large mounds. While traveling, Rellena started singing and playing the works of the "Ace of Base."

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

"Stalking these adventures is so easy now that the bard joined their party. These people might actually know were these kidnappers are. I hope so, because that half-orc is getting on my nerves. He is so darn annoying. No worries, once they kill all of the villains I will take my chance in escaping with the kidnapped prisoners and receive all the reward for myself. "sigh" to be rich again. That would be nice."

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

The Quintet traveled 130% faster than usual because the moral magic entwined with Reline's music gave them increased speed. Soon, they were out of the forest and into a savanna like environment were grasses are dominant and trees have only a small fraction of ecosystem to call their own. Passing the occasional ant hill, seeing the plentiful wilder beast and smelling the faint perfume of wild flowers. After three days of trekking, our adventurers have crossed a distance of 90 miles. Surviving with their couple weeks of rations and magically purified water from the rivers. Soon though, our heroes meet civilization. Near the morning of the fourth day our adventures encounter a sea of farm land. Tilling this land was lizard folk, (lizard humanoids) and overseeing this labor were Large ant like creatures (about the size of a pony)

"Excuses me, do you know where the large mounds are?" Said Yoslov to one of the Ant creators who did not seem to notice the party.

The ant pointed to the north and continued to lead his farmers. The adventures walked past the many acres of corn and reached a huge dirt clearing with a diameter of about 200 yards. In the exact center was a huge hill of dirt. In the mound of dirt was a door of metal and in front of the door was a Large ant creature the size of a horse. The ant was in a lawn chair being pampered by smaller ants. The troops first instinct was to attack the ants blindly (because they were bored). But Aust and Debra stopped them and decided to use diplomacy to see what exactly is going on. ( Aust stopped them because that was the wisest thing to do. Debra stopped them because she didn't like to run.) The troop then trudged to the Ant Hill.

"So, what's happening dudes. Are we feeling the vibe. Let's just go with the flow today." Lazily said the large ant smoking a cigarette as the troop came close ( Aust smelt the smoke and deducted from experience that it was "laeta viriditas" a common recreation drug that was often grown in this climate.

"We came, because we felt like it. Quickly replied Jamaul.

"We came because we were plump" Squealed Debra

"We came for carrots" said Aust excitedly

"We came for the missing humans in the nearby kingdom" Said Rellena

"Dudes, I hear you reasons. Your woes. And your desires. All can be answered in minutes, but come at me one at a time. You first, pretty half girl.

"Sir. We have come on a mission to stop the kidnappings of our kingdom. We have heard that this is where the activities are taking place. I would like to know what you know about them."

"Ahhh, those poor souls. Brought here, bag over head, to face the sacrifice, to add to the weapon's numbers." Long pause as the ant breaths in his smoke stick." We are a young colony. We just started exploring underneath the earth's skin. One of our diggers came upon a door. This door was unusual to say the least. Not that it was of unusual quality, it was just that it was about 500 feet below the earth's surface. When we opened the door, those who entered did not come back. So to destroy the current danger inside that door, we have gathered our arch mage to create a spirit bomb. The bomb would only kill living matter and will not disturb anything else's. It was the perfect tool for extermination. The only problem was that Formian souls (the ants are Formain) were not potent enough. We needed a more powerful life source. So we looked towards the humans. We hired many races to capture the humans and bring them here. Right now we're about half done.

Everyone was shocked that the people that they were supposed to save were already probably sucked into a sprit bomb, ready to explode. Everyone except Debra of course.

"What would you give us if we kill everything in that door, sweetie"

Long Inhale "Well, I guess I could give 50 gold to each of you."

"I want a tiny ant for my own" said Debra

"No"

"Then I want all of the slaves free from your farms."

"No"

"Then I want you to free two slaves"

"Noooooooo."

"We will only help if you quit smoking."

"Fine! Fine! Just don't ask for anything else."

"So, will you lead us to this door?" asked Yoslov

"First I will need to put cloth over your eyes so you don't see were all of our important chambers are."

"Sure." Said Yoslov

The whole Party put blindfolds on their eyes and followed the Formian into the Ant hill. Once inside the ant hill they were taken to the Arch-mages chambers and were immediately killed because they were converted to the sprit bomb.

This is what happens when you leave yourself helpless in front of strangers. This is also what happens when you get too close to a guy smoking pot. You can't think clearly. So the moral of this story is, that unless candy is involved don't leave with a total stranger. Also, pot is fun, but it is not recommended to be consumed when you are making life changing decisions.

This is Background Gentleman 18, over and out.

P.S This has to be my worst chapter so I am sorry if you had high hopes.


End file.
